I wonder, if I cut myself right now

Am I gonna feel something again? Or am I just gonna drop a lot of blood? Am I gonna feel better? Or am I gonna feel worse? Am I gonna be consumed with guilt by doing it or with regret by not doing it? 

Life’s a test. I don’t always know the right answer, like right now. I know this ain’t healthy, but I miss being the broken self-harmer girl. Being who I am right now is boring. I feel even more lost. I don’t know what to do. I’m not recovering, I’m staying in the same fucking spot I was before. I wanna throw up. I wanna lose weight. I wanna cut. I wanna see my blood out of me. 

I wanna live again. Cutting seems like the only thing that would bring me back to life. Ironical, isn’t it? Something that could kill you, can also give you life again.

5 months ago on 30 December 2011 at 10:34pm













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Broken Dreams, Broken Heart

I guess I'm just looking for salvation. Or maybe I'm looking for something to save or someone to blame. My life's a mess, just like the way I'm a mess. I'm complicated and full of flaws. I'm sure you don't want me by your side. But here I am, I'm living to provoke the world. Sometimes I wish I was dead, but don't we all? Life's better if we're not living. It looks better, it tastes better. But I made a promise to myself. And I'm not letting go. I'm not leaving.